Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
