That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my shit smells like andre
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You dont lie about slip and slides
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
