either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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