omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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