i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's never too late to be topless.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i think my cat just said my name.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
