see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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