Porn is love you can see.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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