Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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