Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
