so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
