and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.