ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐