Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.

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  (970): I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious. http://tfl.nu/cwzo
  Replies (21) Good night (685) Bad night (4504)
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  (949): View more from California

  Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?

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  (949): Are you going to tell your therapist we boned? http://tfl.nu/8lv6
  Replies (26) Good night (3759) Bad night (672)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I wish you could order shots online.

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  (573): I wish you could order shots online. http://tfl.nu/guzz
  Replies (10) Good night (4067) Bad night (591)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just took my morning after pill in the library

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  (859): Just took my morning after pill in the library http://tfl.nu/18qw
  Replies (29) Good night (1461) Bad night (4125)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."

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  (610): i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there." http://tfl.nu/12yv
  Replies (28) Good night (6895) Bad night (711)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.

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  (570): Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad. http://tfl.nu/ox9m
  Replies (15) Good night (3056) Bad night (1464)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree

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  (401): i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree http://tfl.nu/su4s
  Replies (3) Good night (1933) Bad night (780)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.

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  (847): I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus. http://tfl.nu/s4im
  Replies (4) Good night (1358) Bad night (529)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set

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  (702): By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set http://tfl.nu/1rax
  Replies (12) Good night (1266) Bad night (802)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Denial, avoidance and beer.

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  (312): Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013. (312): Denial, avoidance and beer. http://tfl.nu/o423
  Replies (3) Good night (933) Bad night (310)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.

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  (561): Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache? (1-561): Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night. http://tfl.nu/sa3s
  Replies (2) Good night (647) Bad night (224)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.

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  (931): Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close. http://tfl.nu/0xt0
  Replies (3) Good night (790) Bad night (601)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i might be a female sloth

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  (617): female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away (781): i think i might be a female sloth http://tfl.nu/d8fr
  Replies (5) Good night (1759) Bad night (259)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone

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  (775): Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone http://tfl.nu/zeql
  Replies (7) Good night (321) Bad night (566)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug

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  (206): I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug http://tfl.nu/jw7j
  Replies (2) Good night (397) Bad night (176)

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