Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it