i think i have two assholes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
