...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
