Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
