The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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