I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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