DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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