umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
