Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
