dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
