mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
