Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
