I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
