yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
