I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
