just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
