What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
