I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
don't judge my taste in strippers
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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