She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
