The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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