If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
