She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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