i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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