I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How naked do you want me to be?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
