Kiss
Puke
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
