Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
