i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
