This is not my ceiling
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
