i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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