ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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