I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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