He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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