yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
