I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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