gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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