hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
