I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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