Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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