Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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