I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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