Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
