Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
