Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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