I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
