I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
