there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
