covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
