Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
where are my eyebrows?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
