I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
