I accidentally had phone sex last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
