Dual....:-)
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
