I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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