what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
