I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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