wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
