i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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