The maid of honor just puked.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
