I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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