when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
