oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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