my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
