i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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